♈ Aries (March 21 – April 19):
You will start drama just to spice up a boring day, then forget it happened like… 7 minutes later. Chaos is your cardio.
♉ Taurus (April 20 – May 20):
You will fully cancel plans and then be mad when no one begs you to come anyway. You're committed to comfort and confusion.
♊ Gemini (May 21 – June 20):
You'll overshare your deepest secrets with a stranger in line at Target, then ghost your own best friend for three days.
♋ Cancer (June 21 – July 22):
You say you “don’t care”... then cry when no one checks in. Soft on the outside, dramatic on the inside.
♌ Leo (July 23 – August 22):
You throw yourself a mental award show every time you do something slightly inconvenient—like taking out the trash.
♍ Virgo (August 23 – September 22):
You’ll organize your closet by color, season, and vibe—then lose your phone in your hand. High-functioning and still a little feral.
♎ Libra (September 23 – October 22):
You’ll say “I’m so low maintenance” while sending your friends 5 outfit options for brunch.
♏ Scorpio (October 23 – November 21):
You’ll go full FBI mode on someone for a single red flag... but ignore your own like they’re part of the décor.
♐ Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21):
You’ll plan a spontaneous trip, spend all your money, then act shocked when you’re broke. You said YOLO and meant it.
♑ Capricorn (December 22 – January 19):
You act like you're above it all… then spiral because someone left you on read. CEO by day, sensitive soul by night.
♒ Aquarius (January 20 – February 18):
You’ll disappear for 3 days with zero context, then return like nothing happened and ask if anyone wants to start a commune.
♓ Pisces (February 19 – March 20):
You’ll romanticize a 2-minute conversation into a full-blown situationship. Delulu is your love language.