Aries (March 21 – April 19):
You get the ick and immediately vanish like a magician mid-trick. Blocked, unfollowed, erased from your memory. You don’t do second chances, babe — you're already onto your next main character.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20):
You pretend nothing’s wrong but slowly start texting less... and less... until they realize they’ve been soft ghosted. You’re still polite, but you’re plotting your exit over a glass of red wine and a bath bomb.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20):
You announce your ick to the group chat with a 12-part voice note, then text the person like nothing’s wrong. You need the drama and the gossip. It’s performance art at this point.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22):
You cry about it first, then convince yourself you're being too harsh… until they breathe weird again and you're OUT. You’ll ghost them, then miss them, then get mad at yourself for missing them.
Leo (July 23 – August 22):
You get the ick and suddenly treat them like a background actor in your movie. Dry responses. No eye contact. You’re already practicing your “thank you, next” speech in the mirror.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22):
You try to give them one more chance...but end up micro-analyzing every little thing they do until you're disgusted by the way they chew. You’ll still be nice, but the ick is in charge now.
Libra (September 23 – October 22):
You keep dating them out of guilt, even though the ick is screaming inside. You’re just too hot to be rude. You’ll ghost them gently, with emojis and grace.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21):
You don’t say a word — you just go cold. You’ll let them feel the energy. You want them to know they gave you the ick without you ever saying it.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21):
You catch the ick and immediately plan a trip so you have an excuse to bail. “Sorry, I’m going to Costa Rica” — even if it’s just your cousin’s backyard. You’re gone, emotionally and physically.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19):
You pretend you’re just “really busy with work” while secretly updating your dating profile. You don’t make a scene, you just quietly delete their contact and move on like a boss.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18):
You turn the ick into a sociology study. “Interesting how their texting tone changed post-ick…” You mentally log it, dissociate, and float away into your next hyperfixation.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20):
You write a breakup text in your Notes app, cry about it, and then never send it. Instead, you just stop answering and hope they figure it out through divine intuition or vibes.